all the things she said

We don’t have air conditioning, so it takes a little creativity to keep cool on hot days. Here are some tricks I’ve used with our six month old baby.

• Nudity - there is nothing like shedding a layer to help cool down
• Give her ice cubes to play with. Put them in a shallow tray so they can be swished around.
• Fill the tray of her high chair with water and let her splash in it
• Use a spray bottle full of water to spritz our skin
• Have a cool (not cold) bath or shower
• Put her toys in the fridge for a while before playing
• Hang a wet towel in front of the fan
• Put a wet towel down for her to play on
• Play “lets look at what’s in the fridge”
• Frozen yoghurt or fruit puree makes a perfect hot weather snack
• Hang out in the coolest room of the house which might mean moving a couple of times during the day
• Keep the blinds closed & open the windows when a cool breeze blows through

And when it’s really so hot you can’t stand to be at home…

• Shopping Centre
• Cafe (call first and make sure they have air conditioning)
• Library
• Friend’s air conditioned house
• Pool

THINGS I LEARNED ON THE GO, WHICH KEPT ME BREASTFEEDING

Question Every Tube

When Audrey was in the special care nursery, I was most worried about what might be wrong with her, the damage all this time apart would do to our bonding, and what drugs they were pumping into her. Realising that the tube in her wrist was not a constant source of antibiotics, rather a constant source of plain fluids which were not part of her treatment was a huge turning point. No wonder she wasn’t acting hungry. No wonder she wasn’t feeding all that much. No wonder my milk hadn’t yet come in. She was full of fluid when she should have been full of colostrum. Fluids were being given by default, without anyone explaining to us what was going on, and finding out was like pulling teeth. But once we found a sympathetic doctor, we turned off the fluids during the day when I was around to feed her and, like magic, she started being interested in breastfeeding, and within a day, my milk came in thanks to the increased stimulation.

Growth Spurts Resemble Starving Babies

The first growth spurt is really fucking hard if you don’t know what is going on. At about three weeks old, all of a sudden Audrey needed to feed ALL THE TIME. If she wasn’t on my breast she was crying and screaming. My breasts felt empty and I didn’t really get anything out of them by expressing. I thought she was starving and I wasn’t producing enough milk. At about this age she had seemed to be falling into a bit of a natural routine, and I’d been sneaking in reasonable three hour sleeps. So when all of a sudden I was getting zero sleep, could hardly find time to eat, and my baby appeared to be starving I started asking questions like “Am I so sleep deprived and hungry myself that I’m not making enough milk?” I pondered how long this hell could last - it was making the labour look like a walk in the park! Thank god for our midwife, who promptly explained how completely and utterly normal our situation was. We didn’t have a starving baby who needed top up feeds or to go on formula. And that while I was running myself ragged, women in much worse condition than I all over the world are making enough milk for their babies. Yep, we had a perfectly normal baby who was feeding around the clock and (crying to make sure I let her) so that my breasts would make more milk for her. And a few days of this personal hell later, it was all over and I was so relieved that I hadn’t thrown in the towel.

Trust In Yourself and Your Baby

Every book, every article, every blogger (yes I see the hypocrisy) has an opinion about breastfeeding. Most of these opinions sound reasonable and most of them come from reasonably educated or experienced people. There is a plethera of information about how much or how long or how to breastfeed. I read all of it, and then some. One article would say to remove a baby from the breast if she was sucking but not swallowing. Another would talk about the chemistry of breastmilk making mother and baby sleepy during a feed. Faced with endless and often conflicting advice, I’d simply look down at my feeding baby and do whatever felt right. If my baby was happy and I felt good, that was the answer. Whatever I may have “lost” in imperfection, I certainly gained in not stressing the small stuff.

And some finer points…

• Low supply issues are helped with more breastfeeding and made worse with less breastfeeding. When medically necessary to “top up” feeds, you can still keep the baby at your breast using a tube lactation aid. More time at breast = more milk.
• Prepare a mental list of what to say if/when someone objects to your breastfeeding in public. I like to be rude and loud about it so as to make everyone stare at whoever is giving me a hard time, but you can go for quiet and tactful if you prefer.
• If you see a mother with a new baby feeding in public, smile at them. Or if you are the chatty type say something lovely like “Isn’t that beautiful. Can I get you a glass of water or reach anything for you?”
• Watch other women breastfeed. If you don’t know other breastfeeding women, find a breastfeeding support group or look up breastfeeding vidoes on youtube.
• If a doctor, nurse or other health professional does anything to make breastfeeding more difficult, tell them you’d like another option, or another opinion!

(Source: themotherco.com)

Today I visited mum and decorated the Christmas Tree for her. This is the first year ever that we’ve had a fake plastic tree. Shock! Gasp! Horror!

I’m starting to dread Christmas. Every year it is a struggle to visit everyone in one day, and now with a baby I have the added responsibility of keeping her happy and rested. Something that is near impossible when we’re away from home all day. So there goes any chance of me feeling relaxed or refreshed.

This year we have a breakfast on one side of town and a lunch on the other, and we’ve committed to being away overnight Christmas Eve too I discovered yesterday. Which means we’ll have practically no rest time and no “be at home together” time as a new family. I just don’t want to do it all. It’s not worth the stress.

Last night I had a hair cut.

That doesn’t sound like a big deal except that it’s been over a year since my last one, and about a decade since I let a hairdresser take off anything more than “the bare minimum”. For months I’ve been tying it back, unable to manage anything else. It was too heavy, too long and starting to get prety darn shabby. I missed the art of doing my hair.

I was nervous going in. My mind wasn’t yet made up but the hairdresser, Koby, was nothing shy of a counsellor and patiently went through every possible option with me for about an hour before picking up the shears. He kept checking in on me emotionally while he worked. As my new ‘do’ started to take shape, a smile grew across my face. I walked out the door with less than half the hair I came in with. It was terrifying and terrific.

I feel reborn.

Our Christmas Tree, made from used wrapping paper, old buttons and discarded post cards

Merry Christmas!

I have this stupid habit of not buying something I have fallen completely in love with and then watching as it goes on sale, comes down in price, is listed as an “end of line” product and eventually fades into obscurity. At about that point I finally make up my mind that I must have it, except by this point my only hope is second hand on ebay, and only if I’m lucky.

The first time I did this was with a particular fabric patten I fell in love with on a wetbag. I avoided buying one while pregnant, unsure of whether I’d really really need it. I watched it go on sale and gave it some more consideration - Would I need it? Could a plastic grocery bag make do? Is it too fancy pants? etc. I resumed my pondering for a few more weeks until they sold out. Then, by some minor miricle I found an Etsy seller who was making wetbags and had the exact same fabric! Holy crap. I could get one after all. I put it in the shopping cart feeling really good about things. And then I started thinking again - I’ve done without one this long. Maybe she’ll start using a different amount of nappies and I’ll want another size? Is this fabric pattern already out of fashion? I’ve put it in my cart on no fewer than five occasions. But I still haven’t bought it. I just like to look at it occasionally and wonder what it would feel like to own it. If compulsive shopping is a real pychological problem, so is compulsive non-shopping. I must be mad.

Anyway, I’m doing it again. This time with DwellStudio stuff. To put things in perspective, I’ve been a HUGE fan of DwellStudio for what feels like a bazillion years. Not just the baby stuff either, but the soft furnishing and textiles. While pregnant I fantastised about doing a whole nursery in DwellStudio “Garden Blossom” fabric. Unfortunately that would have required a second mortgage so I went to good old Target instead. A few weeks ago I visited the Dwell website to long at my favourite fabric once more and uncovered a sale. Quite a good sale. A sale that turned “ridiculously out of my budget” items into reasonably priced items. I was so excited that I even told James about it. Did I buy anything from said sale? No, of course not. Instead I added a bunch of things to my always evolving wish list and went back to thinking about it. And today I decide to bite the bullet and get just one piece. An item that will last the longest and get the most use - the stroller blanket. Of course it’s sold out now. So I frantically googled until I found a full price one somewhere else. And we’re back to where we started. Being too frivilous and out of budget.

GAHHHHhhhh!

Why do I keep doing this?

James and I have been doing the house hunting thing for over a year now. In all that time we found precisely one property that we both liked enough to bid on, but it went at auction for a tad more than we were willing to spend. Shortly after, Audrey was born and we needed to have a good think about what to do next. The apartment we are in now is big enough for the three of us but is crammed full of big furniture and has cupboards full of clutter. We’ve also been planning to renovate the kitchen and put in new floors. Moving into something bigger puts a bigger strain on finances, especially since I’m not working right now. And the logistics of moving all our stuff plus a baby is boarderline terrifying. This week we somewhat officially decided to hang up the house hunting boots for a while and keep living here for a few more years. It isn’t only a logistical decision. I’ve nested here now. Pushing myself to connect with the local community has been emotionally challenging and I finally feel like some roots are developing. I’m not ready to walk away on all that hard work.

1. Bumgenuis All In One Organic Nappies
2. Ellaroo Ring Sling in Stone
3. Little Squirt Nappy Sprayer
4. The Baby Book by William & Martha Sears
5. Wuesthof Classic Ikon Knives in Crème
6. BM-3600 Sewing Machine
7. Polaroid 600 Instant Film
8. A Sparkly Ring
9. Bloom Fresco Loft Chair

Taking care of a new baby changes a person. You have endless days filled with activity but not necessarily productivity. It wears you out. It hurts your back. And while it is so unimaginably rewarding, you can’t escape how constant and unpredicatable it is. At the end of the day, hopefully you have a partner who will come home and take the reigns for a while so you can soak in the bath or read a book or whatever other mundane adult thing your heart desires. You might flinch whenever someone asks what you did all day. Perhaps you changed 8 nappies, spent 4 hours on the couch breastfeeding, spent another couple of hours dancing around being silly with your baby, tiptoed around trying to sqeeze a shower or some chores in while the baby slept and if you are really lucky, you may have even made it out of the house for a little while. Of course, you don’t have much to show for your efforts. The dishes you intended to wash were too noisy a task for while baby slept and the shopping trip you planned was thawthed by baby’s grumpy mood or unusually long nap. At night you sit in the darkness, a baby on your breast and consider that once upon a time in employment land, this would be called overtime.

For someone who has been in the workforce since turning the legal age of 14 and 9 months, it’s very strange and confronting being worked harder than ever before in my life, and not having an income to show for it. When our daughter was born I had wanted to buy a little present for her and for my husband but simply could not do it. My bank account balance was $4.65. When our 1st wedding anniversary arrived, it was another gift-less occasion, despite having something picked out from before we were married. And when the first fathers day rolled around, I had to bypass the gift I’d chosen months earlier and instead go with a handmade card and something a lot more affordable. Then I actually had to watch as another person gave him an almost identical gift to what I’d planned for, which kind of rubbed salt in the wound and was the final straw which made me decide to go back to work. I also had to watch someone else give our daughter the exact gift I had wanted to give her since we found out she was a girl but was unable to afford. It isn’t even about how much I can spend or what things cost. It’s about having an idea or plan for celebrating a milestone or creating a tradition, then having to go with Plan B yet again. It hurts a bit more each time someone else says “Can I buy Audrey her first [whatever]”. Maybe I’m selfish but I want those sort of things to come from us.  Anyway, it’s finally eaten away at me enough to go back to work. The logistics of working will mean a big compromise on how I’d like to see our daughter cared for, and I’m still not sure what I will regret the most, but I know I will regret doing nothing.